Connecting Childless Women
Jon and Kate and Their Eight
While watching recorded episodes of Jon and Kate on my DVR the other night, I began to become a bit overwhelmed watching as Kate juggled four children on her lap while interviewing a would-be housekeeper. I wondered how I would manage given the same situation. Then it hit me I had no idea. Other than keeping the nursery at church a few times and baby sitting my nieces, I had no concept of how to take care of a baby.
I then moved into thinking about my life and how busy it is. Every minute is literally consumed. Would I be able to integrate caring for a child into my world as I currently know it? Oh heck to the no! I then remembered keeping my niece back in the late 80's when she was just a baby. I changed her diaper and let the poor thing walk around all night before I realized I had put it on backwards. Well, at least I changed it. I did know THAT much!
I looked over at my husband on the couch as he typed away on his laptop. I became a bit sad as I thought about how, at one time, I had longed to have a small combination of the two of us walking around. Daniel and Jeannie version 2.0. I wanted to see his sweet disposition and big brown eyes along with my hyper-activity and strong will. (Do those even go together???). At one point, I wanted that with everything that I am. And when we learned it couldn't happen. Would never happen. I mourned the loss of our sweet little baby. Wondered if we would ever know him/her on the other side of life. Felt defective and angry - like a child whose favorite toy had been denied. And there wasn't anyone to blame. It was just life and I had accepted it. To the point where I had forgotten about it...until that very short moment on the couch watching Jon and Kate with their large brood and the complaints that go along with the same.
I shook off the tears that I had allowed to break through my brick exterior and tried to focus on more positive thoughts. I looked around on the floor and saw dog and cat toys that had been tossed around and now remained frozen where they fell. I saw a sweet little orange and white tabby cat fast asleep in his favorite chair, belly full as he dreamed about playing with his favorite ball. I saw a waif of a black cat perched on her back on the back of the sofa where she usually ended up at night and I knew she would try to dart outside the second she thought anyone would open the front door. I saw the best dog that ever lived fast asleep to the point of snoring laying at our feet on the ottoman next to the biggest Maine Coon cat you will ever encounter snuggled as close as she could get to the dog because she absolutely adored her. Then it hit me. This was my family. And I'm so happy and content with them. And I will never need anything more.
I then moved into thinking about my life and how busy it is. Every minute is literally consumed. Would I be able to integrate caring for a child into my world as I currently know it? Oh heck to the no! I then remembered keeping my niece back in the late 80's when she was just a baby. I changed her diaper and let the poor thing walk around all night before I realized I had put it on backwards. Well, at least I changed it. I did know THAT much!
I looked over at my husband on the couch as he typed away on his laptop. I became a bit sad as I thought about how, at one time, I had longed to have a small combination of the two of us walking around. Daniel and Jeannie version 2.0. I wanted to see his sweet disposition and big brown eyes along with my hyper-activity and strong will. (Do those even go together???). At one point, I wanted that with everything that I am. And when we learned it couldn't happen. Would never happen. I mourned the loss of our sweet little baby. Wondered if we would ever know him/her on the other side of life. Felt defective and angry - like a child whose favorite toy had been denied. And there wasn't anyone to blame. It was just life and I had accepted it. To the point where I had forgotten about it...until that very short moment on the couch watching Jon and Kate with their large brood and the complaints that go along with the same.
I shook off the tears that I had allowed to break through my brick exterior and tried to focus on more positive thoughts. I looked around on the floor and saw dog and cat toys that had been tossed around and now remained frozen where they fell. I saw a sweet little orange and white tabby cat fast asleep in his favorite chair, belly full as he dreamed about playing with his favorite ball. I saw a waif of a black cat perched on her back on the back of the sofa where she usually ended up at night and I knew she would try to dart outside the second she thought anyone would open the front door. I saw the best dog that ever lived fast asleep to the point of snoring laying at our feet on the ottoman next to the biggest Maine Coon cat you will ever encounter snuggled as close as she could get to the dog because she absolutely adored her. Then it hit me. This was my family. And I'm so happy and content with them. And I will never need anything more.
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